This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
