i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
