Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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