why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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