haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
