a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
