all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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