Farmville is her only friend.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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