I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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