new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
