Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
