at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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