This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
