She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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