Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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