This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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