i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
