we made out on top of his cat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
