I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
not ubering you a puppy
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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