the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
