I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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