We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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