ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
