I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
