Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
