why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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