my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
