I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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