I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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