I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize