I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
