My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
