It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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