brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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