this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
