she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize