Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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