Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
