Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
