Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
