Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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