Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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