If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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