I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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