If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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