actually, I'm a sock model
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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