ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
