just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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