i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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