So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
