she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
