True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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