I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
