Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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