she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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