My nipple is on Facebook.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
