dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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