I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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