HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize