I think my fart just growled at me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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