uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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