I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
