i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
