My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So much Jack, so little girl.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize