He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
